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Put your children first during divorce

Communication

“Why won’t they talk to me?” “I don’t know what to do.” “Is it all my fault?”

48% of children and young people whose parents have separated or divorced told us that they didn’t understand what was happening during their parent’s separation. 21% thought it was their fault.

When talking to your children about divorce:

  • Listen to your children
  • Tell them what’s happening
  • Reassure them that you love them and it’s not their fault

Explaining to children

“They think I don’t understand.” “What’s going to happen now?” “Where am I going to live?” “Who am I going to live with?” “What about school?”

86% of children whose parents have separated or divorced told us that it is important that their parents make sure they fully understand what will happen after the separation.

When explaining what will happen after divorce; explain how life will change.
The major concerns for children are:

  • Time with parents and family
  • Living arrangements
  • School and friendsIf you don’t have answers now, say they will be the first to know when you do.

Involvement in making decisions

“I wish they had asked me for my opinion, and not used me as a weapon to score points with each other.” “I’d like to be involved in making decisions about what will happen to me.”

51% of young people whose parents have separated or divorced told us that they didn’t have any say about where they were going to live after the separation. Over 2/3rds told us that it is important that parents make sure children are part of the decision making process.

When involving children in decisions about their life after divorce:

  • Your children might give opposing views
  • Try and see the situation from your child’s perspective
  • Be flexible and tell them things might change as time goes on.

#ChildrenFirst